My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
