speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
