You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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