im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Randomize