if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
