Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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