Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
