Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
