This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
