i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
