I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
