He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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