dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
