Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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