Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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