Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Terrible idea I love it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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