Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
smell my finger.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
