Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
