I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
