I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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