You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
