is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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