The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
