I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm passing your future prison.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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