Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
