It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
