this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
