I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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