People in love make me want to vomit
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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