didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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