It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Blood and glitter go together right?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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