i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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