How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
