Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
