found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize