Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
