my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
