i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
