these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
