I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
