I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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