I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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