Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
