he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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