At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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