Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
