I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
