fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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