i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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