Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
