I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
