Dude my mom stole all your condoms
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
