after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
