I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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