no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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