i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize