ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
