Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
