Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
