The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
