I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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