Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
