I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
