i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
