i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
