I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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