I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
