i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
soo... how was my night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
