Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think my vagina is haunted
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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