Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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