My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
