i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
