is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
