you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
