In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
