i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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