How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
